Part Five: Musterion

Ever since that night I stopped wishing to go there. I didn’t want to find out anymore what I really am, I wanted to ignore those voices and ignore what is hidden in my soul. I guess I don’t have a choice; it doesn’t happen because I wanted to. It happens because it’s part of my destiny. I don’t want to close my eyes; I’m fighting the urge of resting my weary body. The hope was replaced with fear. I fight and fight until my strength is drained out. My body surrenders and I feel like I’ve lost. I’m inside this old building, there are like blue fireballs dancing across the room. But they’re not regular blue balls; they had big eyes and mouths. It reminded me of Japanese mythology, they were lost souls. I try to walk to explore this place and I find myself inside a straitjacket. I realize what this building was. I was in an asylum, a psychiatric hospital. I tried to release myself but didn’t succeed. Voices started to yell –He’s trying to escape. Send him to the room– Some man grabbed me from the back and they cuffed me to a gurney. It happened so fast I couldn’t react. They transported me to a closed room. There was some white padding on the walls and the floor. It was an isolation room. It was the first time there was someone else inside my soul besides one of the seven. Thinking about it I haven’t seen the one who belonged here. Maybe this was all a dream, a crazy delusional dream. –You know it’s not a dream – he said. I tried to look around to see who talked to me, but it was hard because of the way I was restrained. I saw this man in the same situation as me, in the isolation room with a straitjacket just laying there. – I am Musterion – he said with a strange voice. –I am the mystery. I am the representation of what people don’t know about you, also I represent the way people see you. That’s why I’m inside here. People consider you crazy, a different weird guy that nobody understands and they prefer to push aside instead of getting to know you. I am the product of loneliness and resentment– he said as he placed an evil grin on his face. –They don’t know me; they push me aside because they know I am a thread to them. One of these days I’m going to get out of this place and prove all those bastards what they were missing all this years– he said as he started laughing with this malevolent crazy laugh. Instantly I thought this guy is out of his mind, but my brain went a little further, it have connected the dots and placed the solution so fast. It was adding one plus one. This guy was a part of me. Am I also out of my fucking mind? –Yes– he said – We are out of our fucking mind, in the most wonderful way that it can be. We are called crazy because we see the real beauty of the world. People don’t fully understand us. But it’s ok. Is their loss not ours– He smiled and I smiled with him. I understood him. I don’t have to worry about what people say. I am this way and nobody can change me. – Goodbye, farewell– he last said. I woke up with my arms around me. I was hugging myself.

R.A.Pastor