Part Seven: Andy

I remember the day very well; it was a Saturday just in the middle of the month. I had classes on the morning, woke up early so I could get on time. In fact I didn’t, I overslept. I had spent all night studying the class I was going to take the next day. But what good comes from studying all night for a class you are going to miss? As a matter of fact, I was late to the class and all the studies where useless. The teacher had a problem and was a mix up with schedule so we ended up seeing something different from what was planned. Four straight hours of classes are not entertaining at all. I found myself sitting in the classroom without paying any attention, holding in my hand my watch so I could know when the time to run away from this place was. I felt like the clock was ticking slower than before. It felt like the time was paralyzed, even though objects were moving time didn’t. One minute felt like fifteen. Eternity was the only word I was writing on my notebook. Over and over again. A blank page began to lose its space, letters and words kept on subtracting the room available. The class ended like all the time, people walking out like zombies, just wanting to get away from this place as fast as they could. When I got home it was the same feeling, nobody was there. I was alone in my house, just lying on the floor watching the ceiling; I had nothing else to do with my life. My muscles began to relax and my spine just accommodated to the flat shape of the white ceramic tiles. The noises began to fade out and a powerful numbness took over my whole body. My other senses were blocked and I felt like I was paralyzed. My vision started to wear out, my peripheral vision became pitch-dark. Without doing anything about this feeling, couldn’t fight it and just go with the flow of this ethereal and surreal sensation. The ceiling began to get farther and farther. It seemed like the room was expanding, it felt like the room was running away from me. My vision started to close down. The sensations began to come back to my skin. I felt like I was on a shallow pool, surrounded by water. It wasn’t enough to cover my whole body, or maybe I was floating in the water. The noise of the water moving softly was very soothing, much like a trance I felt myself immersed. I opened my eyes and found myself in this dark room, still looking at the ceiling, a black ceiling with the reflection of the light when it hits the water, that rippled pattern much like the auroras in the northern lights. This wasn’t reality, and I knew it was not a dream, almost certain of it. I got up forming waves in the water, the pattern on the ceiling changed. It felt like a Déjà vu. I’ve been here before; this place was familiar to me. It was the same large corridor, same big room with tall walls with blood writings. I came back to the place where it all began. The same place I released the eight seal trigrams and unleashed the seven of them. It was the time Panzer talked about; I’ve met six of them and now is the time to finalize this journey. I walked the corridor with the same cautiousness as the first time. I enter the room with the gate; it was open from side to side. It was the evidence of what I’ve did before. The evidence that this odyssey was not a product of my mind, it did happen. Something inside of my body tells me to step inside, to go beyond that big metal gate. It was a small room compared to the ones I’ve past. There was no source of light in this room. All of the sudden a small television turns on. It seemed like it was muted, because I could see the frames but there was no sound at all. To my surprise in front of the television there was a little boy. A child just sitting there watching. He didn’t move at all, he was in some sort of fetal position. My only guess was that he was the one left. –Hello there! – I said trying to capture his attention but was worthless, he did not move at all, not a single muscle on his body reacted to my voice. As I became closer and closer the frames on the television became crystal clear. It was some sort of movie. The genre was very difficult to determine. Some parts seemed like an action movie and others seemed a romantic comedy. A whole vast range of pictures, live motion, cartoons, virtual reality; that movie contained a little portion of every type of storytelling that have ever existed. It began to lure me into it; the curiosity of knowing what it was all about dragged me towards it. I sit next to this boy, almost in the same position as he was; I could finally understand what the movie was about. It was about me, the whole cinematic presentation was about my life. A compilation of my experiences through this wild ride we call life. –Sorry, but my mom taught me not to talk to strangers. – The little boy said with this timid shy low voice. –Don’t worry I’m not a stranger, my name is Andres. Can I watch some television with you? – I answered trying to create a bond with the kid. – Yeah no problem– he said smiling – Andres? Hey that is also my name! But nobody calls me like that, is too grown up for me. Everybody in my family call me Andy. – I couldn’t believe it. The seventh one was me. He was me when I was a little kid. – Do you want to be my friend? – he asked while his voice was trying to hold something down – I don’t have any friends, they are all outside playing and I cannot go. Mom tells me I’m sick and I cannot go with them, so I have to stay here. The only thing fun to do is to watch television. And because mom and dad are working I get lonely in the afternoon. Do you really want to be my friend? – He said while dropping his sight to the floor as he told his story. – Yeah! Of course I want to be your friend. I think we have so much in common– I said trying to lift up his feelings – I also like watching television, and movies. I like to play videogames and listen to music– As soon as I said those words he turned his head towards me and you could see how his eyes began to shine. – I also like all those stuff! My dream is to one day become this huge known doctor, and be able to cure all those children who have the same illness that I have. I want to give them what I have missed. – I was right. He was me in a much pure and fragile version. He represented my true being. He was not corrupted and tainted by everything outside of that room, he never had betraying friends, or heart-breakings by girls, not even the pressure of parents going through divorce. He was what I’ve lost in the way of life. –Do you think I’m weird? – Andy asked –Why do you say that? I don’t think you are weird at all– I replied – All my friends have called me weird and told me that they don’t want to be friends with me anymore. I’m not very popular as the other kids; I never go out so it’s difficult for me to keep my friends. – He said while turning his head to face the screen once again. – I don’t want to be lonely anymore. – That’s when I realized why the other six said it was going to be the hardest one yet. I had to face myself in the most pure way possible and realize I am alone and feeling lonely. It created a huge psychological shock for me to accept the fact that the most genuine expression of my life in this world is loneliness. –Are you ok? Do you want a hug? Because that’s what friends do you know, they help each other during hard times– he said with this full of love voice. Even though he was hurt from all of his friends, he knew what true friendship means and the sacrifices are worth everything if they are done for a true friend. I didn’t know but the tears started to flow and race through my cheeks. I usually don’t cry. I try to place a façade so nobody could see me on that vulnerable state. But this time it was different, I didn’t have the necessity of hiding my true emotions with someone like him. –Mom have always told me to never cry when there’s somebody around– he said – but how can the other people notice if you are sad if you don’t give them the chance to guess it? How can they help you be happy if you don’t let them know? – He was right, after all this years of trying to hide my emotions from people; I didn’t have any help because they didn’t knew I was suffering. – You know, mom and dad are going to be mad at me if they knew I let someone in the house– he said with this fearful voice. I hugged him, as hard as I could. Gave him a kiss on the top of his head and said – I love you! Don’t worry about it now, in the future you are going to accomplish all those dreams you have, and you are going to have lots of friends, and even though things can get hard you are going to be strong enough to endure them. – As soon as I ended I walked out of that room, still thinking about those words I’ve said. Those were the words that I always wanted to hear while I was going through a hard time; every time I felt lonely all I wanted was a kiss and a hug. If he was truly me, then I knew I did the right thing to do. I wake up in the floor of my bedroom, in the same position as I was hours ago. I look at the watch to see how many time to study I have left and realize it was the same hour as when I went there. Time froze still as I went to the deepest place in my soul. Now I know what is inside of me. Now I truly know who I am…

R.A.Pastor