They're back

I thought i was recovering from my dark past, but soon I realize that every step foward i make, i end up stepping two steps back. It's been weeks since I can manage to rest my body without any worries. I cannot sleep, I cannot dream. My soul is wearing thin on that aspect. It has been days without my nightmares. Grim and gore nightmares of my killing the ones I love the most. Picking a knife and simply slashing her throat while she screams in despair, just going berserk and kill everybody, love and hate, it doesnt matter to my assassination rampage. My nightmares. They're back. I wake up with the feeling of blood dripping from my hands, the sting from the defensive wounds, and some blood-shot eyes. Those hitokiri eyes just wanting more and more. And as soon as I became conscious, they start to talk to me. Those voices in my head tell me to make my dreams a reality, all seven of them tell me to kill her. All I wanted to do is protect them, protect the ones I love no matter how much pain it would cost me. How can I do that with my inner me wanting to kill them? That's why they call it the self-loving demon. It cannot love someone else rather than himself. Because wherever there's love there is hate, hate breeds to pain and suffering is born. Its a fine line between love and hate, a blood-tainted fine line that defines what we really are. A fine fragile line that in a matter of seconds it can shatter into pieces. Turn love into hate. They are still talking to me. Make them stop!! I dont want to hate, I dont want to be alone in this world, I dont want to be left out. I want them to choose me. Nobody but myself can really understand whats happening inside my head. Even I cannot understand whats happening. I want them to stop talking. I want the nightmares to go away. But no... they're back.

R.A.Pastor